Fred Kofman on Managing Conflict

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Most of us are uncomfortable having conversations around conflict. But it doesn’t have to be difficult if we approach it with THE RIGHT FRAME OF MIND FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT THE RIGHT TOOLS

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The wrong frame of mind: I want to win, and I want you to lose. But there’s no such thing as “winning” a fight in a relationship. The moment you’re fighting, you’ve already lost. FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

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Instead, look at conflict as coming together to solve a problem. This framing dissolves 90% of the animosity. FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

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Almost any conflict conversation can be resolved if you pursue these 4 goals: 1 Listen and understand what the other person thinks and feels. 2 Explain your own thoughts, so the other person understands where you’re coming from. 3 Discuss if there’s a way to come together with mutual benefit. FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT 4 Once you agree on something, make commitments and get it done.

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How you listen in a conflict conversation is key. Follow these steps: BE QUIET Listen quietly without interrupting and pay attention ENCOURAGE THEM Nod, smile, and follow along as you listen CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING Summarize what you heard in 1 or 2 short phrases, and ask if you got it right VALIDATE THEIR REASONING Acknowledge that you now understand their point of view FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

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HOW YOU SPEAK ALSO AFFECTS YOUR CONFLICT BEGIN WITH I Explain Propose ASK Begin with an “I” statement to show it’s your opinion that you’re sharing Explain your reasoning, or why you believe it Propose your idea or solution Ask what they think about it FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

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Conflicts may require some negotiation. Try this: Negotiate for what really matters to you, rather than around a “position.” Good negotiators find ways to give the other person what they really want— without necessarily giving them what they originally asked for. FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

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The most important part of negotiation happens before you begin. Prepare for possible outcomes with “BATNA”: B EST A LTERNATIVE TO A N EGOTIATED A GREEMENT Ask yourself what’s the best you can do without the cooperation of the other person. What will you do if you cannot agree? What can you do on your own? FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

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Agreements without commitment are worthless. So make a commitment. Discuss who’s going to do what... FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT and by when.

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Watch Fred’s in-depth course ON MANAGING CONFLICT to see these tips in action. Available exclusively on LYNDA.COM WATCH NOW

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