Don’t


The Presentation inside:

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a dick Don’t negotiate Like a dick Integrative negotiation advice from Roger Fisher and William Ury https://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/


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there is a widely held misunderstanding about what great negotiation is


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and that misconception is that great negotiation is fair for all sides


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i’ll let you in on a little secret


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great negotiation is not about being fair


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your choices are not limited to win-lose (unfair outcomes) or win-win (fair outcomes)


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in fact, there is a third option


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and that is what great negotiation is all about


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the key to understanding this third option is to disabuse yourself of the notion that win-win is about being fair


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what you’ve been defining as win-win, is actually lose-lose


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let me explain by way of an example and a story


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by way of example, let’s assume that we are negotiating over 100% of something


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win-lose occurs when we split the 100% in an unfair distribution, let’s say i get 60% and you get 40%


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in this case, i win and you lose


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and as a result, we may have damaged our long-term relationship a bit ?


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then there is the case where we split the 100% fairly


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i get 50% and you get 50%


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in practice, this is what most of us call win-win


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but in fact, this is lose-lose


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although we may remain friends after the encounter


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both of us end up equally disappointed with what we got


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so if win-lose is unfair and unhappy negotiation and lose-lose is fair, but unsatisfying negotiation, then what is win-win?


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win-win negotiation happens when each of us gets 100%. * win-win negotiation is also known as integrative (not distributive) negotiation is defined in greater detail by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their seminal book, Getting to Yes


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huh?!?!


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how can two people get 100% of 100%


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easy


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turn the original 100% into 200%


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you do this with creativity and by listening to, and understanding, the underlying interests of each party


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here is a story from Fisher & Ury that demonstrates the magic of 200%….


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a mother returns home from a long day at the office and finds her two daughters in the kitchen fighting


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they are screaming at each other and locked in a tug of war


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the mother sees that they are fighting over an orange


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she forcefully separates the girls


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and with both the girls complaining loudly, she grabs a sharp knife from the counter top


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no, this is not a greek tragedy and there will be no infanticide


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instead, quietly and confidently, she cuts the orange in half and gives each girl half of the fruit


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proud to have once more demonstrated mother’s wisdom at finding a win-win solution, and enjoying the relative quiet that has now descended, she starts to leave the kitchen


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but she stops short of the door as something incredibly odd happens


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the first daughter peels the half orange, throws the peel in the garbage shoot and eats the fruit


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she then goes to the refrigerator to look for a bit more food, as she remains a bit hungry


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simultaneously, and to the great surprise of the mother, the second daughter peels the orange and throws the fruit down the garbage shoot!


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the second daughter then goes to the counter top and starts calculating ingredients to bake half an orange cake, since she has only half the needed orange peel


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oh dear


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you see what has happened right?


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both daughters could have had 100% of what they wanted, but instead, because of the seductive fallacy of fairness, they got 50%


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what the mother should have done, before jumping straight to the solution based on the apparent positions of the children (I want the orange)


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was to ask, “why”


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why do you want the orange?


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and this leads to real win-win negotiation


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so when you are negotiating with partners, employees, bosses, vendors, children, or friends


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do not allow yourself to settle for win-lose or lose-lose


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push yourself to find the 200% solution


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* and check out Getting to Yes by Fisher and Ury for lots more detailed advice


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SHARE THIS DECK & FOLLOW ME (please-oh-please-oh-please-oh-please) stay up to date with my future slideshare posts http://www.slideshare.net/selenasol/presentations https://twitter.com/eric_tachibana http://www.linkedin.com/pub/eric-tachibana/0/33/b53 Please note that all content & opinions expressed in this deck are my own and don’t necessarily represent the position of my current, or any previous, employers


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